I had a great weekend, but that’s an entry on its own.
This entry is reserved for that special person, who made me realise some very important things over the weekend.
It has most definitely been a trying time, the past 5 months.
Closing one door and opening another.
Many times I ask myself whether I made the right decision and would things have been better had I not done that.
Bittersweet moments aplenty, I questioned myself if I would have been in a better place.
Better, better, better.
Yes.
Better place, better environment, better friends, better understanding of myself.
Was it easy? Most definitely not.
A lot of pain from closing one door, a lot of pain trying to open the other.
A lot of pain trying to open myself up to the possibility that things would work out.
A lot of pain trying to let him go.
There’s still pain, no doubt about that. I guess I wallowjust a little ( which many of you would declare the understatement of the year ).
But it is the constant encouragement and talks with the few dearest ones that has kept me going and looking forward to a brighter, happier time to come. So I carried on, not exactly sure what I was getting myself into, and for once, just taking it a step at a time and not planning or banking on anything too much.
I kept pretty much my emotions to myself, not sure how he would react to it. Did he really understand how much Prem meant to me? Did he realise that the pain is much deeper than I show it to be? Does he know that the simple things in a relationship were tough to come to terms with?
So many questions that I knew not the answer to, and was too afraid to pry open the skeletons in the closet, trying to make do with the relative peace I had.
And then, a moment on Sunday.
The carefully constructed wall crumbled. Slowly at first, then with increasing force, just as the wave crashes the stack, till it completely erodes, leaving not much but a few sediments as mere memories of what existed before
He understood
I tried to find words to explain to him all that I felt, but I didn’t have to.
A warm hug, reassuring words and a promise of many more such sessions to come.
And then I knew, he was here to take care of me. He was here to stay.
Its funny how I reach this conclusion 3 and a half months after it all began. Better late than never, as he would say
“Ditto”-Geetha
This entry is reserved for that special person, who made me realise some very important things over the weekend.
It has most definitely been a trying time, the past 5 months.
Closing one door and opening another.
Many times I ask myself whether I made the right decision and would things have been better had I not done that.
Bittersweet moments aplenty, I questioned myself if I would have been in a better place.
Better, better, better.
Yes.
Better place, better environment, better friends, better understanding of myself.
Was it easy? Most definitely not.
A lot of pain from closing one door, a lot of pain trying to open the other.
A lot of pain trying to open myself up to the possibility that things would work out.
A lot of pain trying to let him go.
There’s still pain, no doubt about that. I guess I wallow
But it is the constant encouragement and talks with the few dearest ones that has kept me going and looking forward to a brighter, happier time to come. So I carried on, not exactly sure what I was getting myself into, and for once, just taking it a step at a time and not planning or banking on anything too much.
I kept pretty much my emotions to myself, not sure how he would react to it. Did he really understand how much Prem meant to me? Did he realise that the pain is much deeper than I show it to be? Does he know that the simple things in a relationship were tough to come to terms with?
So many questions that I knew not the answer to, and was too afraid to pry open the skeletons in the closet, trying to make do with the relative peace I had.
And then, a moment on Sunday.
The carefully constructed wall crumbled. Slowly at first, then with increasing force, just as the wave crashes the stack, till it completely erodes, leaving not much but a few sediments as mere memories of what existed before
He understood
I tried to find words to explain to him all that I felt, but I didn’t have to.
A warm hug, reassuring words and a promise of many more such sessions to come.
And then I knew, he was here to take care of me. He was here to stay.
Its funny how I reach this conclusion 3 and a half months after it all began. Better late than never, as he would say
”I’ll tell you what love is…It is blind devotion, unquestioning self-humiliation, utter submission, giving up your whole heart and soul to the smiter” - Thursday Next, Lost in Good Book by Jasper Fforde.
“Ditto”-Geetha
Labels: thoughts
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home